Little Voice
by vinkunwildflowerqueen
Summary: In the days following the Lion Cub, Fiyero is unable to stop thinking about the moment they shared in the clearing. The little voice in Fiyero's head keeps telling him that thinking about Elphaba is a bad idea. But Fiyero has always been very good at tuning that little voice out. Especially when he knows the voice is right. Musicalverse. Shiz-era. Oneshot.


**AN. Hi! Well, today is my 28th birthday.**

 **And my next fic _Until the End of Time_ is not quite ready yet, but some people had asked for a oneshot to tide them over. This is not at all what I expected to write, and of course, now that I'm finished I had the perfect idea of what I _should_ have written. But next month is my 10 year FF dot net anniversary, so maybe I'll post it for that if UtEoT isn't done yet. **

* * *

**Little Voice**

 **By Vinkunwildflowerqueen**

" _No matter how shallow and self-absorbed you pretend to be."_

" _Uh, excuse me? There is no pretence here. I happen to be genuinely self-absorbed and deeply shallow."_

" _No you're not. Or you wouldn't be so unhappy."_

The words had thrown him off his axis.

Fiyero almost felt as though he should be angry. Who was this girl, who barely knew him and with whom he had barely managed to have a civil conversation with since the moment they'd first met, who was this girl to tell him that he was unhappy?

Yet he couldn't muster the anger he was sure was warranted.

Why wasn't he angrier?

Fiyero's mask was one that had been carefully constructed over the years. Not even his own parents seemed to recognise that he was unhappy; he was sure that it wasn't obvious to _her._

Yet her words had rattled him, and days later, he was unable to shake it off.

He hadn't seen Elphaba since he'd taken the Lion Cub to be freed, leaving her alone in that clearing. He wasn't _avoiding_ her, he was just careful not to be around her. Instead of picking Galinda up from her dorm, he'd meet her downstairs or at _The OzDust._

He wasn't sure what thought worried him more- that if he saw Elphaba she'd reveal more secrets, maybe secrets he didn't even know he had; or that seeing her again would bring back that odd, alarming feeling that had slammed into his gut when she'd touched his hand. Even thinking about it now, his stomach did a somersault and he came to an abrupt halt outside the History building.

This was supposed to be their first History lesson since that day.

He'd told himself that he would simply skip the class. It would certainly not be the first time and skipping meant that once again, he would be in no danger of running into Elphaba. The idea of sitting near her in the classroom for an hour was too much for him to bear.

Yet at the appropriate time, he'd found himself collecting his books and heading across campus to the History building., a voice in the back of his mind screaming at him with every step to turn around.

 _Why are you doing this? You don't want to go to class. You don't want to see her. She knows too much,_ the voice warned.

 _Turn around. Go back. Stop. Stop walking. STOP._

 _Remember her touch. Remember how smooth and cool her hand was? Remember how everything stood still for a moment?_

Fiyero stood just outside the door, swallowing hard.

 _Remember Galinda,_ the voice said, sounding rather smug now.

It thought it had won.

Fiyero let out a breath and ran his fingers through his hair. Galinda. There was no swooping in his gut when Galinda touched him. There'd been no feeling like that for any girl Fiyero had known before.

 _Don't go inside,_ the voice said firmly. _Go back to your room._

Fiyero was very good at tuning out his internal voice by now, however.

Still he was sure he could hear the voice as he moved towards the building.

 _Annnnd you're going inside._

Funny how the voice tended to sound so much like his father's voice when he was doing something he was sure was a bad idea.

Fiyero tensed as he stepped inside the classroom, forcing a smile and nod to several of his classmates who looked up and smiled at him. None of them noticed it was fake. Of course they didn't. He knew none of them any more than he knew Elphaba.

For a moment he wondered if she would have noticed the smile was fake, and then he hastily shoved that thought away.

But speaking of Elphaba. The room was noticeably devoid of green.

Fiyero frowned up at the clock on the wall to double check the time. Class was due to start in mere minutes, but she wasn't here. Elphaba, he was sure, was never late.

He sank into a seat nearest to the door, trying to look nonchalant and unbothered. Every time the door opened, his heart leapt into his throat. But it wasn't Elphaba. It was never Elphaba.

There students around him chatted happily. None of them seemed to be aware that anything odd had happened in their last lesson. No one looked at him strangely or mentioned Dr Dillamond at all. It was suddenly as though he'd never existed.

An odd feeling of panic rose higher in his chest with every passing tick of the clock on the wall. Fiyero's leg tapped restlessly without him putting through to the action.

Finally the door opened and Dr Nikdik entered. He went straight to the lectern and began arranging his papers, as though he'd been here all along. As though mere days ago he hadn't been standing there with a caged Lion Cub as Dr Dillamond was dragged from the room.

Fiyero's heart sank.

Elphaba wasn't here. She wasn't coming.

Without thinking, he left his seat and slipped out the door as Dr Nikdik called for everyone's attention.

He exited the History building, the cold air hitting him in the face, washing over him as his footsteps once again stalled.

Fiyero breathed deeply, raising his eyes to the sky. The clouds were heavy. It looked like rain.

 _Where was Elphaba?_ He wondered.

His eyes absent-mindedly scanned the courtyard, as though expecting to see her standing there at that very moment. But it was almost empty. It wasn't the nicest weather to be outdoors.

He started walking, without having any real destination in mind about where he was going. Yet when he found himself outside a building he knew to be the library, he wasn't surprised. It felt as though he'd been intending to walk this way all along.

Fiyero hadn't been inside the library at Shiz yet. He'd hoped to avoid the place forever if he could. He hated libraries. They were too quiet and musty. Libraries always seemed to hold secrets that Fiyero felt like he had no place knowing.

Yet he walked up the steps and pulled open the door, the warmth and silence of the building falling on him like a blanket the moment he stepped inside.

Even his internal voice was silenced by the weight of the knowledge housed within the walls. The only sound was faint whispering that could either come from students hidden among shelves nearby or the books themselves.

As he crossed the foyer, his footfalls clicked on stone, and the resonating echo of his own feet made him wince. Yet no one stared here. No one called him out as though to pinpoint the fact he did not belong here.

Then the floor turned to carpet and his footsteps were silenced.

He wandered the shelves with no real rhyme or reason. The more he wandered, the more the whispers and muffled footsteps on carpeted floors, the turning of pages and scraping of pens against paper became like a symphony that filled his ears.

When he turned and his gaze fell on Elphaba, it was almost a surprise.

And there it was. That swooping feeling in his gut once more.

Fiyero stood rooted on the spot. He couldn't seem to make his feet move closer to her, nor his voice to call out to her. So he simply watched her.

She sat at a desk in the back corner, perfectly framed by the pale sunlight that fell through the grey clouds and through the window. She wore a white jacket, the same jacket that she'd worn a few days ago. The day with the Cub.

Her hair was pulled back into a messy bun at the top of her head, but Fiyero was sure that she had done it that way to keep her hair from her face. Her head was bent over her work as she scribbled frantically, her pen dancing across the page, only pausing in its movements as she stopped to glance at the nearby book on the desk. Her history textbook, it looked like.

He wasn't surprised she would be doing history work even as she skipped the class itself. And Fiyero was sure she was skipping. This wasn't a case of losing track of time. This was intentional.

Fiyero could only see her profile from where he stood. He watched as she straightened her glasses on her nose, before turning a few pages of the book and squinting slightly at something.

She looked so absorbed in her work, he doubted she'd notice if he walked up to her.

But then a small group of girls passed near her, and Fiyero saw her shoulders tense. As they whispered together, a stifled giggle escaping from one of them, Elphaba's eyes lifted from her work and followed them out of her view.

She frowned ever so slightly, but she didn't look annoyed. With a jolt, it struck Fiyero that Elphaba looked envious. Almost wistful. Lonely?

Fiyero hated to admit it and liked to pretend otherwise, but he was no stranger to loneliness. He recognised the feeling of being isolated from his peers; but whereas he was able to pretend he was one of them, he knew Elphaba was never given that chance.

For the first time since he'd known her, Fiyero felt like he understood Elphaba a little. He even felt sympathetic towards her.

And then a thought occurred to him. Had Elphaba had a similar moment? Had she recognised herself in him somehow? Was that how she had guessed he was unhappy?

As though she'd sensed his thoughts were centred on her, Elphaba suddenly looked up.

When her eyes locked on to his, they both froze.

Fiyero's breath caught. The light coming through the window caught the gold flecks in her brown eyes. He'd never noticed them before.

He wasn't sure what to do, but before he could make a move, Elphaba rose to her feet. She grabbed her books and bag and fled the scene.

Fiyero stood there awkwardly, marvelling at how quick she'd disappeared. He swore the dust had barely settled where she had sat.

He left the library in her wake, although she was already long gone. He went to his room to dump his books and was heading to the dining hall for food when he ran into Galinda.

"Fiyero!" she exclaimed, kissing him lightly, her umbrella hanging from one arm. "I thought you had History class now?"

Fiyero grinned, ignoring the squirm of guilt he felt. "Decided to skip. It's healthy, don't you know? What are you doing?"

She shrugged. "I was just going to get some coffee in town. Do you want to come? I was going to go with Milla, but I'd rather go with you," she said, her eyelashes fluttering.

Fiyero smiled charmingly and offered her his arm. "That sounds perfect," he said.

What he didn't say was that coffee with Galinda sounded like the perfect distraction to stop him from thinking about Elphaba.

However, all Galinda seemed to talk about over coffee was Elphaba and her grand plans to makeover her new friend.

"Doesn't she already look better?" she demanded of him. "And it's only been a few days! Obviously, the ultimate goal would be to help her get a boyfriend. Ooh, and then we can double date! But I just don't know who the best person for her would be," she frowned.

"What do you think, dearest? Do you have any friends here we could set Elphie up with?"

Fiyero stared at her blankly. "Er, Elphaba doesn't strike me as the type that enjoys being set up," he said.

Galinda waved a dismissive hand. "That's only because she doesn't _know_ she wants to be set up. Once I find the perfect guy for her, she'll thank me," she said confidently.

"Look at Nessarose and Bick!"

Fiyero nodded distantly.

Galinda chatted happily for a while, but it became obvious Fiyero wasn't listening to her.

"Fiyero, are you alright?" she asked him.

"Sure," Fiyero replied automatically. "Sorry, Galinda. I was just… thinking."

A frown creased Galinda's brow.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" Fiyero asked her suddenly.

Galinda glanced out the window. "It looks like rain," she pointed out.

"So what? You have an umbrella."

Somewhat reluctantly, Galinda agreed.

As they walked, Galinda wrapped her hands around Fiyero's arm. Fiyero made an effort to be present, to focus on the conversation.

"Are you going home for spring vacation next week?" she asked him, as they strolled along the path.

"Nah," Fiyero shook his head. "I'll just hang around here. You?"

"No, but won't it be lovely to have a week to relax with no classes? There's going to be a swankified dance at _The OzDust_ the last night of classes to festivate. We should go! I wonder if I can convince Elphie to go?" Galinda wondered thoughtfully.

She turned to face Fiyero, her face unusually solemn. "I know you and Elphie aren't the best of friends," she said. "But it would mean so much to me if the two of you could be friends. Because you're both very important to me. So, would it be alright if I asked her to come with us to the dance? We could get dinner beforehand?" she suggested tentatively.

A fresh surge of guilt swarmed through Fiyero, and he took Galinda's hands in his, squeezing them gently.

"I'll try more with Elphaba," he promised her. "I think dinner before the dance is a great idea."

Galinda beamed. "Thank you, darling," she said softly.

Fiyero lowered his head to kiss her. Distantly an echo of thunder rumbled through the air, and he they broke apart as drops of rain began to fall.

"Oh!" Galinda gasped, immediately reaching for her umbrella. She ducked away from Fiyero in favour of the shelter of her umbrella, turning away towards the campus. Her intention to get out of the rain was clear, and she didn't even wait for Fiyero before moving off.

Fiyero made to follow when a flash of something caught his peripheral vision, a familiar flash of green and white.

He paused, trying to determine where it had come from. Was it Elphaba, or had it just been his imagination? He was rooted to the spot, his eyes scanning his line of sight. He was conscious that he was holding his breath, and he wasn't quite sure why.

A little distance away, Galinda had noticed that he wasn't behind her and turned back.

"Dearest?" she called to him. "Are you coming?"

Fiyero glanced at her and nodded. "Coming."

He gave the area one more scan, but there was nothing there except trees.

Maybe he had imagined it.

Feeling rather drained all of a sudden, he caught up to Galinda, slipping his hand into her as she offered it to him with a smile.

 _You're dating Galinda._

The voice was back.

 _Forget about Elphaba. You feel sorry for her, big deal._

But he was very aware of the promise he'd made Galinda to try with Elphaba. Could he be friends with Elphaba? Fiyero wasn't sure.

Galinda had it all planned, but Elphaba's announcement that evening that the Wizard had sent for her rather put a damper on the blonde's plans.

"Oz, I can't believe he actually sent for you!" Galinda squealed to her roommate when Elphaba told her, approaching the table where she and Fiyero sat in the dining hall.

Elphaba nodded, her eyes alight and cheeks flushed with excitement.

"I know."

"Not that you don't deserve this," Galinda added hastily. "But it's _The Wizard."_

Elphaba laughed. "I know," she said again, slightly breathless. "Believe me, I know."

She wrung her hands together anxiously, and then ran her hands through her hair nervously. Her eyes flickered to Fiyero's for a mere moment, and then she looked back to Galinda.

"I'm still pinching myself," she admitted. "I just can't believe it. And to see the Emerald City? I _never_ thought that would happen."

"When do you leave?" Galinda demanded.

"The day after tomorrow, on the morning train," Elphaba replied. "And then I meet with the Wizard that afternoon and then come back the next morning."

"That's not enough time to throw you a going away dinner," Galinda complained.

Elphaba laughed and Fiyero's chest clenched. He'd heard Elphaba chuckle before, but not this. Not this free, happy laugh that rang clear as a bell and danced through the air, seemingly stealing the air from his lungs.

"A going away dinner? Galinda, I'll be gone for a day!"

"But this is so huge!" Galinda protested. "Oh, Oz. What are you going to _wear?!"_

Fiyero pushed back his chair. "I'm going to meet some friends," he told Galinda. "I'll see you later."

Galinda barely acknowledged his departure, already doing a verbal review of Elphaba's wardrobe. Judging by the looks of Elphaba's facial expression, Galinda did not deem her clothes satisfactory for the occasion.

Galinda was so caught up with Elphaba's news that Fiyero barely saw her the next day. When he did see her, she told him briskly that Elphaba's train was leaving the station at eight o'clock the next morning and she, Nessarose and Boq would be seeing her off at the station.

"Obviously we've had to do a raincheck on dinner," she said. "But we're going to do a big dinner when she gets back to festivate, ok?"

Fiyero agreed and she kissed his cheek.

"Great. See you in the morning!"

Fiyero had no intention of seeing Elphaba off at the station.

He lay awake in his bed that night, reiterating his decision to himself firmly.

 _You're not going. You don't need to go._

What would be the point of him going? He and Elphaba weren't friends. She didn't need him to see her off. She could barely look at him since the moment in the clearing

This was a huge deal, getting to meet the Wizard. Galinda had told him all about it when she'd introduced him and Elphaba that first night at _The OzDust._ How Elphaba was in Morrible's Sorcery seminar and was hoping to work for the Wizard. But it was clearly not something that had been expected to happen this soon.

 _You're not going,_ the voice repeated firmly.

Fiyero rolled over and groaned into his pillow.

Of course he wasn't going. There was no point.

He squeezed his eyes shut against the image of Elphaba's face when she'd told Galinda the news. He'd seen Elphaba angry before. He'd seen her annoyed… usually at him. He'd seen her worried. He'd seen her… whatever that was in the clearing that they were pretending had never happened.

But happiness. The pure happiness on her face he'd never seen before.

Fiyero rather felt it was akin to seeing a meteor pass through the night sky. Not something that happened every day and he felt strangely privileged that he had caught a glimpse of it, even for a moment.

He wondered if when morning came she'd still be excited or whether nerves would have sunk in by then. He found himself wistfully wishing that he could see her face when she saw the Emerald City for the first time.

Fiyero didn't sleep well that night, tossing and turning before he finally fell into a deep sleep around three am, exhausted from arguing with that voice in his head that kept repeating he should not and would not go to the train station the next morning; despite the fact that Fiyero _knew_ he shouldn't go and had no intention of doing so.

And then he awoke with a jolt at seven forty-five as though an alarm had rang out, although none had. The room and the building were silent. He had to strain his ears to even make out the faint chirping of birds outside the window.

 _Go back to sleep,_ the voice suggested. _You have nowhere to go._

But Fiyero stared at the clock on his bedside table, watching the hands move around the clock face.

Fifteen minutes and Elphaba would be on the train to the Emerald City.

Fifteen minutes.

Fiyero was out of bed before he even realised he'd made a decision. He dressed hurriedly and was out the door five minutes later.

He could make it to the station in time, he reasoned. It was only a short walk from campus.

He was waiting for that voice in his head to return, to tell him to stop, turn back. Not to go.

But the voice was silent. Or maybe it was just drowned out by the sound of blood rushing through his ears and his pounding heart as he hurried to the train station.

He was at the edge of campus when he paused, a flash of red catching his eye.

Poppies.

They'd been in the clearing, he remembered distantly.

He had a vivid flash of memory of seeing the petals of the poppy alongside the smear of blood- his blood- that Elphaba had wiped off his cheek.

It would be rude to show up empty handed, right? Hadn't he promised Galinda he'd try with Elphaba?

Fiyero grabbed a handful of poppies from the ground and then quickened his pace, clutching the stems of the poppies tightly in a hand that suddenly felt rather clammy.

He made it to the train station with mere minutes to spare and burst onto the platform, his eyes immediately searching out green.

"Fiyero! Over here, dearest!"

There was Galinda, almost bouncing on her heels as she waved to him, and there was Elphaba.

Their eyes locked for a moment and then once again, Elphaba tore her gaze away. Fiyero swallowed hard, panic rising in his chest as she grabbed her suitcase and turned away.

He hurried over to the girls.

"Elphaba."

It came out hoarser than he'd expected, than he would have liked, but Elphaba faltered. She turned to him and he could see her reluctance. He knew she was fighting with herself whether or not to stay or go, and he tried to silently beg her to stay.

If she _saw_ him, if she understood him, let her understand this.

And she stayed.

Fiyero was mere steps from her before he realised he'd walked straight past Galinda without even looking at her and he hastily reached out to grasp her hand, almost dragging her into step with him as he reached Elphaba.

His mouth opened, but no words came out. He hadn't thought about what to say. What did he say to her?

"I'm happy for you," he said lamely, awkwardly holding the bouquet of poppies out to her.

Elphaba hesitated but then outstretched her hand and took them. Their fingers brushed, and there it was again. That spark, that swooping feeling in his gut and time stood still.

He was distantly aware of Galinda's voice, of her hand within his, but he had no idea what she was saying. He watched Elphaba's eyes fall away from his, a slight blush rising in her cheeks.

Fiyero was transfixed. And he had to say something.

"I've been thinking-"

"Yes, I've heard," Elphaba interrupted, her voice bright.

Too bright.

Fiyero faltered in confusion as her face lifted and her eyes met his once more, no discernible emotion that he could read in them. Elphaba's eyes flickered to Galinda and then back to him.

"About the Lion Cub and everything," he pressed on, past his confusion. "I think about that day a lot," he told her.

He held her gaze, watching the colour rise in her cheeks once more. Elphaba was quiet for only a moment, but it felt like an age. Fiyero held his breath, wondering if she understood what he was saying.

"So do I," she finally replied and Fiyero's stomach fluttered with something that felt like hope, although he wasn't sure why.

"Me too!"

Fiyero blinked confusedly and turned to Galinda, the hopeful feeling dying away with a flicker as guilt twinged at him. He'd almost forgotten she was there.

"I think about it constantly!" Galinda continued. "Poor Doctor Dillamond! It makes one want to take a stand! In fact, I've been thinking about… about… changing my name!"

Fiyero stared at her blankly, his gaze finding Elphaba's once more as though drawn to her, to find her looking blankly back at him.

"Your name?" he repeated.

Galinda nodded. "Why yes! Since Doctor Dillamond had his own way of pronouncing my name, in solidarity and to express my…um… _outrage_ ; I will henceforward no longer be known as Galinda but as simply _Glinda!"_

Fiyero wasn't sure what to say. "That's very… admirable of you, er, Glinda," he said finally.

He glanced to Elphaba once more. She was watching him. She didn't drop her gaze this time and Fiyero had to fight the urge to reach out for her hand.

Galinda bowed her head humbly. "Fiyero…"

 _Leave. Leave now,_ the voice said. For once, Fiyero obeyed.

Fiyero began to back away. He had to go.

"Elphaba," he said, capturing her attention once more and either ignoring or not seeing the way Galinda- _Glinda's_ smile froze on her face.

He didn't know what to say. There was too much to say.

"Good luck," he told her simply and then fled.

Once again, he was left with her words ringing in his head.

" _I've been thinking. About the Lion Cub and everything. I think about that day a lot."_

" _So do I."_

 **The End**

* * *

 **AN. Thanks for reading. And reviewing! Friendly reminder that I do have anonymous reviews open. Also friendly reminder that if you review anonymously and ask a question, I can't actually answer, but I'll try to do so on Twitter/Tumblr (all links are on my profile).**

 **Quick question(s):**

 **1\. Did you like the inclusion of the train station scene? I was originally going to end it with him just leaving for the station, but I liked the full circle thing of Fiyero once again thinking of a conversation with Elphaba like at the beginning.**

 **2\. Who has read _Life's Epochs_ and who will be going into _Until the End of Time_ blind? **


End file.
